Bad Celiac Day

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January 11, 2015 | NYC

We all have them.

It started out being a really good day. I spent it having lunch and going shopping with a friend. We found some good deals, walked & talked, and then I headed home.

On the way home, I didn’t feel too well. Maybe it’s the weather? Maybe it’s a weird seasonal allergy thing? (Not one, but two people suggested that, so who knows.)

I called my partner on the drive home and asked about dinner.

At that moment, all I wanted in the world was to be able to pick him up and just go to a restaurant. ANY restaurant. (Not one of the three safe ones that I generally pick between.) And, once there, to just pick something off the menu — ANYTHING  I wanted — without having to ask the server a million questions, or the host for the “special GF menu,” without having to scrutinize the menu for possible traps because I’m not sure if this is a restaurant that “gets it” or is just cashing in on a fad.

In other words, I just wanted to be normal. For one meal.

Suddenly, I was exhausted.

I got off the phone, drove home, and we ate something that I honestly don’t remember.

That night, I dreamt that I went to a McDonalds. I ordered a hamburger (which is weird, because vegetarian) and requested it on a “lettuce wrap” instead of a bun, because that’s apparently a normal thing that they’re doing at McDonaldses now in my brain.

My food came and I ate it. And it was delicious. About halfway through, though, I realized that the lettuce wrap WAS ACTUALLY A BUN and I stopped mid-chew, shocked and horrified. But then dream-me thought, “Aw, eff it” and finished the whole poisonous thing, symptoms be damned. (“The damage is already done” was dream-me’s specious logic.)

And then I woke up, sleepily terrified that one day this would happen to me. (“What if I DON’T notice until halfway through??”)

And then, not for the first time, I wished that food was a thing that people didn’t REALLY need to eat all the time.

This is my life. (Sometimes.)

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5 thoughts on “Bad Celiac Day”

  1. This makes me sad . . . until I remember how strong and diligent you are, living creatively and courageously with things I take for granted. And you always know how to ‘tell it with style’.

  2. My heart just went out to you when I read this, Emily.  I do my best to stay gluten free, but I don’t have to worry about being noticeably ill if I happen across it.  I can imagine that, combined with being a vegetarian, this just gets so tedious and effortful for you.   I remember when we met you in Jerusalem, you had to wait till Friday morning to meet up so you guys could do all your food prep for the whole weekend Thursday night and bring it with you.   I just can’t imagine how tiresome this gets.  You are such a good sport about it.  Do you know I have never, ever heard you complain or get pissy about it.  Amazing.  I know I would be 1000X worse about it – and you would likely hear about it all the time. So, glad to hear you do just the tiniest bit of venting!

  3. I hear you! Why do we need food to survive and who the hell decided it was a grand idea to make “bad food” taste so damn good anyway!?! love you

  4. It’s no wonder that the study of dreams is so fascinating. When you have one imagining that you ate forbidden food and it gets to work on your real-time digestion–or, at least, your imagining of what it’s doing–that is really, um, food for thought!

  5. Pingback: Angry Celiac | IDK

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